All is well. Bray took a tumble yesterday and cut his lip and blood was flowing everywhere. It really scared him and he talked about his "boo boo" the rest of the day - poor babe. He's also very smitten with Jay Jay the Jet Plane lately. He woke up from nap today asking to "find Jay Jay in sky". It was sooooo cute!
Dookles is sweet too. He ate like a horse today and I loved every minute of it! I love to see the little boy eat. I worry about him. He also is obsessed with carrying around my old cell phone in his pocket. I mean he takes it EVERYWHERE. He even sleeps with it. He likes to take it in and out of his pockets to "make calls". His tantrums are still there but *dare I say* they are seeming to become less intense. John & I are making a serious effort not to pay them one.bit.of.attention. Nothing. I think it's helping.
The beds are still going very well and they are very fond of their big boy beds. They do like to play before bed and nap time and I like to hear them over the monitor. The other day at nap time they had played for about 30 minutes. I kept hearing "take a walk, take a walk" "brother take a walk". I think they were just kind of walking all around the room. Dookles actually went out the door for a brief second and Bray said to him "brother back in" ! It was so cute. Then Bray said to Luke, "Brother, it's nap time, Brayden's tired, It's night night time brother (or bruder as he says". O mi gosh - it was the cutest thing in the world. I went in after that and told the boys in a serious voice to "Settle down, it's night night time". Bray just collapsed on the bed. He was so relieved to be finished with the "obligation" of playing with "bruder". Sweet dreams are made of these....precious, precious times.
Monday, February 25, 2008
Tuesday, February 19, 2008
Night Night
I hesitate to write this because things have been going so well with the big boy beds and I didn't want to jinx anything. The boys are still sleeping okay and aside from the fact that they DO play for a little longer before they fall asleep now, it hasn't become a big issue. *I still have my fingers crossed*. They are just so darned cute in their big boy beds that it just melts my heart everytime I see them. I can't believe how big they are getting and how much they're growing. My little loves. They have just been so good about the transition to beds. I'm so grateful.
Removing the cribs from their room has my mind spinning big time about thoughts of another baby. Could we be that lucky? It's a scary proposition to think of another pregnancy and have thoughts that the baby may not be healthy. On the other hand, I know it doesn't matter b/c we would love him/her just the same. Children are such gifts. What an amazing gift we parents have to be able to hold their lives so close to us. Thank you, God.
It has been an emotional week. Lots of "stuff" going on. Such is life. But God sees us through it - through everything. Without that, how could one continue? I feel so blessed. So loved. So lucky.
I am thinking of not going to the orphanage in Russia. I have already paid my deposit and plane ticket but the thought of leaving the boys without their Mommy is making me very nervous and kind of sick. I do not know if that's fair to them. How could they understand that Mommy wants to do mission work? When they are older, yes. But at 2? They would just know Mommy is gone and I know how much that would affect them because I have seen the way they are when John travels for an extended period. Mission work is extremely important to me - a core value that I hold and that I hope to teach to my children. But is now the right time? To impose an extended absence of Mommy on my little loves I am thinking would be too much for them. 10 days is a long time. I'm confused. I need to continue to pray about and think about it. I want to do what God wants of me.
Removing the cribs from their room has my mind spinning big time about thoughts of another baby. Could we be that lucky? It's a scary proposition to think of another pregnancy and have thoughts that the baby may not be healthy. On the other hand, I know it doesn't matter b/c we would love him/her just the same. Children are such gifts. What an amazing gift we parents have to be able to hold their lives so close to us. Thank you, God.
It has been an emotional week. Lots of "stuff" going on. Such is life. But God sees us through it - through everything. Without that, how could one continue? I feel so blessed. So loved. So lucky.
I am thinking of not going to the orphanage in Russia. I have already paid my deposit and plane ticket but the thought of leaving the boys without their Mommy is making me very nervous and kind of sick. I do not know if that's fair to them. How could they understand that Mommy wants to do mission work? When they are older, yes. But at 2? They would just know Mommy is gone and I know how much that would affect them because I have seen the way they are when John travels for an extended period. Mission work is extremely important to me - a core value that I hold and that I hope to teach to my children. But is now the right time? To impose an extended absence of Mommy on my little loves I am thinking would be too much for them. 10 days is a long time. I'm confused. I need to continue to pray about and think about it. I want to do what God wants of me.
Saturday, February 16, 2008
Angel Day Tomorrow
So tonight is our first night with the big boy beds so we'll see how it goes. They were very involved "helping" daddy put the beds together and they were also excited about their new Thomas the Train sheets, blankets, and pillows. They didn't seem sad in the least bit to say "bye bye" to their cribs. I hope it goes well. Here's to hoping!
It was a long week. John was gone for business for the majority of it and we got some bad news from a woman in our small group. Too much and too sad to write here but it was devastating and really took a toll on me. I also found out that my sister is actively planning to leave her husband so that also really hurts. I just wish they could stick it out. They are going through tough times which is causing a lot of stress on their relationship but I think it will get better. I wish life were less complicated. I want so badly for my loved ones to have it "easy" and to be happy.
Well, tomorrow marks 7 years that little Andrew Richard Fimbel, "Booper" passed away. I miss you more than words baby. Mommy, Daddy, and your brothers all love you very much. Our family will never forget you. You helped us to be a better, stronger family. I think of you all the time. I can't wait to see you again. All of the good things I do in my life are because of you. You made me a better person and you changed me forever. Thank you. I love you. God Speed Little Man. Sweet Dreams Little Man. My love will fly to you each night on Angel's wings. God Speed. Sweet Dreams.
It was a long week. John was gone for business for the majority of it and we got some bad news from a woman in our small group. Too much and too sad to write here but it was devastating and really took a toll on me. I also found out that my sister is actively planning to leave her husband so that also really hurts. I just wish they could stick it out. They are going through tough times which is causing a lot of stress on their relationship but I think it will get better. I wish life were less complicated. I want so badly for my loved ones to have it "easy" and to be happy.
Well, tomorrow marks 7 years that little Andrew Richard Fimbel, "Booper" passed away. I miss you more than words baby. Mommy, Daddy, and your brothers all love you very much. Our family will never forget you. You helped us to be a better, stronger family. I think of you all the time. I can't wait to see you again. All of the good things I do in my life are because of you. You made me a better person and you changed me forever. Thank you. I love you. God Speed Little Man. Sweet Dreams Little Man. My love will fly to you each night on Angel's wings. God Speed. Sweet Dreams.
Tuesday, February 12, 2008
Wise words from a 2 year old
Brayden to Luke today during a tantrum: "Calm down brother"
Brayden to Mommy during tantrum #5 of Luke's (but who's counting) : "Mommy, brother need calm down".
Now if Luke would only listen to the good advice of his brother....man, that was just so cute.
So I have two toddler beds and the goods for their new "big boy room". I have been talking about their new big boy bed to try to prepare them and telling them daddy would put their beds together this weekend. I wasn't sure how much was sinking in but before nap time Luke insisted (screamed) that he wanted his "new bed". I'm not so sure how much he really wants it or if he just wants something to tantrum about. Regardless, I'm running with their eagerness. The transition can't be as bad as people say....right? I am so going to think positive. A friend said it will all be settled in a couple of weeks after the newness of their new digs wears off. That sounds logical to me. They have been driving me crazy anyway with wanting to go in and out of the crib. They can't make up their mind. In, then out, then in again.
Sometimes I just wish the world was more peaceful. Everywhere you turn there seems to be heartache. Our country is at war, children are starving and being abused, a couple in our small group just seperated, the list could go on and on.....God, please come in and fix this mess - okay? I invite you in not only to my life but into everyone else's. They don't know they need you but they desperately do. Deliver us from evil, Lord. We need LOVE. Pure, unselfish love. I thank God for my children. I find peace in their snuggles and their smell. Their laughter and their play. Their curiousity and their openess. And the children shall lead us....
Brayden to Mommy during tantrum #5 of Luke's (but who's counting) : "Mommy, brother need calm down".
Now if Luke would only listen to the good advice of his brother....man, that was just so cute.
So I have two toddler beds and the goods for their new "big boy room". I have been talking about their new big boy bed to try to prepare them and telling them daddy would put their beds together this weekend. I wasn't sure how much was sinking in but before nap time Luke insisted (screamed) that he wanted his "new bed". I'm not so sure how much he really wants it or if he just wants something to tantrum about. Regardless, I'm running with their eagerness. The transition can't be as bad as people say....right? I am so going to think positive. A friend said it will all be settled in a couple of weeks after the newness of their new digs wears off. That sounds logical to me. They have been driving me crazy anyway with wanting to go in and out of the crib. They can't make up their mind. In, then out, then in again.
Sometimes I just wish the world was more peaceful. Everywhere you turn there seems to be heartache. Our country is at war, children are starving and being abused, a couple in our small group just seperated, the list could go on and on.....God, please come in and fix this mess - okay? I invite you in not only to my life but into everyone else's. They don't know they need you but they desperately do. Deliver us from evil, Lord. We need LOVE. Pure, unselfish love. I thank God for my children. I find peace in their snuggles and their smell. Their laughter and their play. Their curiousity and their openess. And the children shall lead us....
Sunday, February 10, 2008
The Escape Artist
OH DEAR, OH DEAR, OH DEAR.
So John is away for business. It's about 8:15 on Sunday evening. The boys are safely tucked in bed at 7. I am still feeling sick so I'm in my bed on the computer (planning to go to bed early tonight). My bedroom door is shut and I think I hear something outside my door. It must be my imagination I tell myself. I hear something again. Again I tell myself it can't be. The sound gets louder and louder and I can't deny it anymore - I'm here all alone, the boys are in bed - there must be an intruder in my house. I am scared out of my mind. I muster up the courage to at least get out of bed and confront whoever it is. Before I could open the door, the door opened! I am in shock and awe: It's Luke, looking a bit bewildered, standing there as quiet as a mouse holding his green blankie. I must have looked like a deer in headlights. I was so shocked. I still can't believe it happened. I mean, he's not a tall boy. He's a tiny little guy and I want to know HOW in the heck he crawled out of his crib. AND to top it off he makes his way down our stairs in the dark and to my room without uttering a sound. I swear I never thought this day would come. I even told a friend the other day that "it never occurs to my boys to climb out of the crib". Uh, foot in mouth please. I can't bear the thought of big boy beds. I'm too scared. I've read nightmare stories on the twins message board about how all sleep goes out the window and the twins think its party time at bed time and nap time. My sanity would go in a heart beat. I need my quiet time. And they need their quiet time too! I guess I can try those crib tents. I'm kind of at a loss for what is the best to do. I still can't believe it. I shut the gate at the top of the steps so at least he will not be able to go down the steps himself if he gets out. That is dangerous to have a 26 month old boy going down steps in the dark all by himself. I have TWO monitors and I can't believe I didn't hear a peep when he was climbing out.
Can I pretend like this never happened? I was planning on cribs until close to 3. And so life takes a turn...
So John is away for business. It's about 8:15 on Sunday evening. The boys are safely tucked in bed at 7. I am still feeling sick so I'm in my bed on the computer (planning to go to bed early tonight). My bedroom door is shut and I think I hear something outside my door. It must be my imagination I tell myself. I hear something again. Again I tell myself it can't be. The sound gets louder and louder and I can't deny it anymore - I'm here all alone, the boys are in bed - there must be an intruder in my house. I am scared out of my mind. I muster up the courage to at least get out of bed and confront whoever it is. Before I could open the door, the door opened! I am in shock and awe: It's Luke, looking a bit bewildered, standing there as quiet as a mouse holding his green blankie. I must have looked like a deer in headlights. I was so shocked. I still can't believe it happened. I mean, he's not a tall boy. He's a tiny little guy and I want to know HOW in the heck he crawled out of his crib. AND to top it off he makes his way down our stairs in the dark and to my room without uttering a sound. I swear I never thought this day would come. I even told a friend the other day that "it never occurs to my boys to climb out of the crib". Uh, foot in mouth please. I can't bear the thought of big boy beds. I'm too scared. I've read nightmare stories on the twins message board about how all sleep goes out the window and the twins think its party time at bed time and nap time. My sanity would go in a heart beat. I need my quiet time. And they need their quiet time too! I guess I can try those crib tents. I'm kind of at a loss for what is the best to do. I still can't believe it. I shut the gate at the top of the steps so at least he will not be able to go down the steps himself if he gets out. That is dangerous to have a 26 month old boy going down steps in the dark all by himself. I have TWO monitors and I can't believe I didn't hear a peep when he was climbing out.
Can I pretend like this never happened? I was planning on cribs until close to 3. And so life takes a turn...
When will it be over?
Okay, so I guess it had to get worse before it can get better... still.sick.here.
And I miss my husband tonight. Lots.
And I miss my husband tonight. Lots.
Saturday, February 9, 2008
Not a great day here. I woke up to one cranky child and one REALLY cranky child. Plus, I wasn't feeling so well myself. We ended up taking the boys to the dr. and I was seen myself. We're all three on antibiotics and Luke & I have ear infections. Luke has also vomitted and has a fever. We're all congested. I just hope to be back to normal soon! I hate seeing my babies sick and don't like being sick myself. John is going out of town tomorrow evening too for a business trip to make things even more fun.
But it could be alot, alot worse and I know that.
We looked at boats today. Bray was excited that we were going to a "boat show". He absolutely adores looking at boats. I think John found the right one for us so we'll see if it works out. Would be very cool. A gift.
I'm probably going to have to cancel small group for Monday which I am not happy about because it was supposed to be our "regrouping" session before getting potential new members. I'll see how I feel tomorrow and then decide. I don't see how I can do it right now. It will all work out.
Last night I came to the realization that in a certain way it is difficult to see Brayden and Luke growing older and seeing their personalities blossom because I realize how much I missed out on with Andrew, my Booper. I wonder what he would be like. We are approaching his death anniversary. Hard to believe it has been 7 years. Seven years since I smelled or touched my baby. Seven years of painful "what ifs". Seven years of wondering what he's doing, how he's doing, is he okay? I have faith that he is and that is the only thing that helps. It seems like so long ago but then in one moment I can have a vivid flashback that takes me back as if it were yesterday. I want to get the bad moments out of my mind but for some reason those are the ones that I think of the most. I often question myself and how I mothered him. I could have been such a better mother. I'm sorry Booper and I miss you. And I love you. And I can't wait to see you again one day. It is because of you that I am a better parent today. It is because of you that I can appreciate every moment, even the moments that drive me crazy, with my children. It is because of you that I am closer to God than I ever dreamed possible. Thank you, precious Booper. My first son and beloved spirit, thank you.
Here's to hoping we'll all feel a little better tomorrow....
But it could be alot, alot worse and I know that.
We looked at boats today. Bray was excited that we were going to a "boat show". He absolutely adores looking at boats. I think John found the right one for us so we'll see if it works out. Would be very cool. A gift.
I'm probably going to have to cancel small group for Monday which I am not happy about because it was supposed to be our "regrouping" session before getting potential new members. I'll see how I feel tomorrow and then decide. I don't see how I can do it right now. It will all work out.
Last night I came to the realization that in a certain way it is difficult to see Brayden and Luke growing older and seeing their personalities blossom because I realize how much I missed out on with Andrew, my Booper. I wonder what he would be like. We are approaching his death anniversary. Hard to believe it has been 7 years. Seven years since I smelled or touched my baby. Seven years of painful "what ifs". Seven years of wondering what he's doing, how he's doing, is he okay? I have faith that he is and that is the only thing that helps. It seems like so long ago but then in one moment I can have a vivid flashback that takes me back as if it were yesterday. I want to get the bad moments out of my mind but for some reason those are the ones that I think of the most. I often question myself and how I mothered him. I could have been such a better mother. I'm sorry Booper and I miss you. And I love you. And I can't wait to see you again one day. It is because of you that I am a better parent today. It is because of you that I can appreciate every moment, even the moments that drive me crazy, with my children. It is because of you that I am closer to God than I ever dreamed possible. Thank you, precious Booper. My first son and beloved spirit, thank you.
Here's to hoping we'll all feel a little better tomorrow....
Friday, February 8, 2008
Must Blog
A new year, new chance to blog - so it's February and maybe I'm a little late getting started but that's okay. There is no time like the present. I have a longing inside of myself to write and this is the easiest way I know how to do it. I have so much in my life to be thankful for and so many moments that I don't want to forget. I want to make sure that I write it down both for myself and possibly even my children one day.
Today I just want to say that I am thankful for God. That seems like a great way to start. I am so thankful for the miracles that he has worked in my life. My children, my husband, my family, my health. These only scratch the surface. How can I possibly thank Him? How can I put into words what I want to say to Him? His peace and presence in my life has forever changed me and I am grateful. Does this mean that I am perfect? Quite the opposite. I am for sure a work in progress but as long as I keep moving forward and keep growing then I hope to reveal His light to the others in my life. That's all I can hope for.
Luke & Brayden are doing wonderfully. Inquisitive, active, curious, playful....they are all things TWO. Including tantrums. Luke seems to have grown fond of this form of communicating. Screaming, kicking the floor, rolling around....lots of that going on here. I think he is going through some sort of developmental milestone so I am trying to be patient. Lucky for him he's cute as a button. His preschool teacher has informed me that he "is quite the stud" at school and "has a different girl following him around every day". I don't know whether to smile or to be scared out of my mind. They tell me he has a "girlfriend". Okay, two + girlfriend = future trouble? We'll see, I suppose. The kid is the spittin' image of his father and paternal grandfather so he doesn't have a shot. Quite the independent one, that kid. He wants to do everything his "self, self, self".
Brayden is quite the talker. He ALWAYS has something to say and that is no exaggeration. It is sooooo cute and his chatter warms my heart. He likes to narrate what is happening in the room. He likes to refer to himself in the third person. He makes me laugh to no end. Especially when he narrates what is going on with his brother "Brother's tired" he'll say in the middle of a tantrum. Or after I've given Luke to the count of 3 to make the "right choice", he'll give his brother kudos by saying, "Brother good choice". So sweet and so funny. These words, these times I cherish. And I don't want to ever forget. Thank you, Sweet Jesus, thank you.
Today I just want to say that I am thankful for God. That seems like a great way to start. I am so thankful for the miracles that he has worked in my life. My children, my husband, my family, my health. These only scratch the surface. How can I possibly thank Him? How can I put into words what I want to say to Him? His peace and presence in my life has forever changed me and I am grateful. Does this mean that I am perfect? Quite the opposite. I am for sure a work in progress but as long as I keep moving forward and keep growing then I hope to reveal His light to the others in my life. That's all I can hope for.
Luke & Brayden are doing wonderfully. Inquisitive, active, curious, playful....they are all things TWO. Including tantrums. Luke seems to have grown fond of this form of communicating. Screaming, kicking the floor, rolling around....lots of that going on here. I think he is going through some sort of developmental milestone so I am trying to be patient. Lucky for him he's cute as a button. His preschool teacher has informed me that he "is quite the stud" at school and "has a different girl following him around every day". I don't know whether to smile or to be scared out of my mind. They tell me he has a "girlfriend". Okay, two + girlfriend = future trouble? We'll see, I suppose. The kid is the spittin' image of his father and paternal grandfather so he doesn't have a shot. Quite the independent one, that kid. He wants to do everything his "self, self, self".
Brayden is quite the talker. He ALWAYS has something to say and that is no exaggeration. It is sooooo cute and his chatter warms my heart. He likes to narrate what is happening in the room. He likes to refer to himself in the third person. He makes me laugh to no end. Especially when he narrates what is going on with his brother "Brother's tired" he'll say in the middle of a tantrum. Or after I've given Luke to the count of 3 to make the "right choice", he'll give his brother kudos by saying, "Brother good choice". So sweet and so funny. These words, these times I cherish. And I don't want to ever forget. Thank you, Sweet Jesus, thank you.
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