Night Night

I hesitate to write this because things have been going so well with the big boy beds and I didn't want to jinx anything. The boys are still sleeping okay and aside from the fact that they DO play for a little longer before they fall asleep now, it hasn't become a big issue. *I still have my fingers crossed*. They are just so darned cute in their big boy beds that it just melts my heart everytime I see them. I can't believe how big they are getting and how much they're growing. My little loves. They have just been so good about the transition to beds. I'm so grateful.

Removing the cribs from their room has my mind spinning big time about thoughts of another baby. Could we be that lucky? It's a scary proposition to think of another pregnancy and have thoughts that the baby may not be healthy. On the other hand, I know it doesn't matter b/c we would love him/her just the same. Children are such gifts. What an amazing gift we parents have to be able to hold their lives so close to us. Thank you, God.

It has been an emotional week. Lots of "stuff" going on. Such is life. But God sees us through it - through everything. Without that, how could one continue? I feel so blessed. So loved. So lucky.

I am thinking of not going to the orphanage in Russia. I have already paid my deposit and plane ticket but the thought of leaving the boys without their Mommy is making me very nervous and kind of sick. I do not know if that's fair to them. How could they understand that Mommy wants to do mission work? When they are older, yes. But at 2? They would just know Mommy is gone and I know how much that would affect them because I have seen the way they are when John travels for an extended period. Mission work is extremely important to me - a core value that I hold and that I hope to teach to my children. But is now the right time? To impose an extended absence of Mommy on my little loves I am thinking would be too much for them. 10 days is a long time. I'm confused. I need to continue to pray about and think about it. I want to do what God wants of me.