I just overheard quite possibly the most precious conversation I have had between my guys.  Or should I say profession of love by Bee?  Here's how it went down:

Brayden: I'm glad I have you.
Luke:  Why?
Brayden: Because we have fun. I like to talking to you.  And to have someone to play with.

Sweet boys, you are the joy of my heart!  Thank you for being the little person that you are; the little person who has such a HUGE impact on my heart and life.

I hate to complain but here goes:  it is cold and rainy and I am weary and tired of the cold and rain.  Okay, there is my official complaint.  I am such a wimp.  Sunshine is like a drug for me and I need more of it!  It makes my days and mood brighter.  I miss it.  dearly.

The boys just interrupted me.  They are working on a very important project in the dining room that is secret and that I can not see.  They needed the scissors for this.  I am fairly certain they are trying to cut bubble wrap but since it is top secret I don't know for sure ;).  They are so cute and very busy.  Bee will sometimes get up and say, "I have a lot of work to do today.  I am going to be very busy".  I believe someone wants to be like Dad.  He likes to follow him around and do what he sees him doing.  He stared so intently at John the other day watching his every move as he stood at the bathroom mirror to shave.  He is so wide-eyed and ready to learn all about the world! It is so awesome and such a gift to see!

Lately I have been thinking about these beloved words of Jesus:  "For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will find it" (Matthew 16:25).  I used to think that verse just applied to extreme examples of people losing everything for Christ, like missionaries or those persecuted for spreading the news of Jesus.  And I think it certainly applies to those situations.  But it also has meaning for the "everyday" Christian, someone like myself, who seeks to follow Jesus in the midst of the ordinary moments of life.  I am learning that for a long time that I have been a slave to my feelings.  I love feelings and I have always been a big believer of expressing feelings, not hindering them or denying them in any way.  But too many times I have let my feelings dictate my reactions to situations, people, etc.. and it has not always been a good thing.  I am starting to evaluate my feelings and embrace them, yet ask myself if they are causing me to act in a way that is biblically based.  To deny myself, my feelings about any given situation, and to find the life of Jesus and to respond in a way that He would want me to.  It's very difficult sometimes!  And sometimes His way is exactly opposite of how I feel that I should respond.  But my heart is learning, albeit slowly, to trust in the ways of God not the ways of Gina.  I long to lose myself for Jesus.  To deny myself, my needs, my wishes, my feelings.   And look at him to define how I will react in any situation.  That is how much his words and life have meant to me.  I believe in Him and the healing power of His words and prescription for life -- much more than I believe in myself.  But not only do I believe it with my head, I am feeling it with my heart and wanting to act in ways that honor Him.  Thank you, God! Thank you for knowing what is best and for giving me the strength to walk in your ways.  May I always choose You over anything else!

So it has been about a year and a half since I last wrote. Many things have changed with the boys yet many things are still blissfully the same. I am still enjoying life and loving every day with my guys (husband included). The boys are now in preschool 3 days a week and they are thriving. They are such fascinating little creatures. Such big personalities each in their own right. They are so very different. Brayden is a bit more outgoing and loves to explore. Luke likes being by my side and loves to flash his charming smile. Each day they amaze me. Today on the way to school Bee asked if I could buy him a cloud maker. Such innocence. I would have loved to had said, "Why yes dear, here ya go", just to make him smile :) But I told him that no, only God is able to make clouds. He still inquired that I could just order him one off the internet. Ha, ha so cute. It was a good opportunity for me to tell him that THAT is how powerful God is, that he made the clouds, the trees, the oceans. It is hard for me to grasp such wonder! But I think he is starting to get it.

So John and I are aching to go on a mission trip, something that we loved to do pre-Luke + Bee. Especially after seeing a wonderful video that our church put together about all of the good work they are doing through God's mighty hand in Kenya. They have built an orphanage and are regularly sending teams over to be with the children and just love on them. But it is about a 14 day trip and I just don't see how that is possible right now. Especially since we are trying to adopt. We may need to pick up and leave on a moment's notice (O, please God, I ask not b/c of my righteousness, but because of your mercy). But I know that there are things we CAN do even if we can't pick up and go to Kenya right now. And I'm asking God to show me those things. One day I will get there, but in the meantime, my children and my life here in Wilmington is my mission field I suppose. And I thank you, God.